


Anxiety

by Crossingbordersonmyown



Series: Monsta X Drabbles [14]
Category: K-pop, Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Anxiety, F/M, Fighting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-14 21:55:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18485140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crossingbordersonmyown/pseuds/Crossingbordersonmyown
Summary: You try to calm down from the fight you just had with Kihyun, but your anxiety has you reliving the events vividly





	Anxiety

Rain fell softly from the window as you curled tighter underneath the blanket you were under, purposely looking away from the empty, cold spot on the other side of the bed.

It hurt too much to look, it felt better just thinking he was there still and that he would turn and put his arm over yours at any moment, but as much as you swear you smelled his cologne or felt his breath on your neck it was all an illusion. 

He was gone and you were in denial as if hoping maybe by some insane chance that he would come through the door and act as if nothing happened to ask if the words and actioned exchanged earlier that night didn’t matter.

Closing your eyes you replayed the actions in your head. 

_Your depression was spiraling and you buzzed with anxiety as you walked around the house trying to busy yourself from looking at the clock. He was three hours late, something that had become a normal thing for Kihyun._

_He told you that he was just spending late nights at the office but a friend had told you that recently he has been going to the bar after work with his coworkers. At first, you were skeptical until one tonight._

_Kihyun came stumbling in the door as if to cause your deepest fears from coming true._

_“Baby, I- I am sorry I just needed work too hard” his words stumbled from his lips, small snickers and snorts causing him to stop before continuing._

_The usually composed Kihyun was drunk and as you stood there speechless he hobbled out of his shoes and made his way over to you, wrapping an arm around you. “How is my sexy girl,” he mumbled out as he ran his finger down your arm._

_You felt uncomfortable, you had so many questions but mostly you wanted to know why he had been lying to you all these months._

_“I think it would be best if you take a nap, then see how you are later. I need to run to the store to get a few things for dinner,” you whisper as you grab a cup of water and give it to him “Just drink some water and lay down okay.”_

_He huffed and scrunched his nose before taking the cup, sipping it for a moment as he laid down, closing his eyes._

_Letting out a sign you sigh you slumped over, your anxiety pushing up your body and making your chest feel tight as you grabbed your jacket and bag, the last thing you wanted to do was has these conversations with you long time boyfriend but something had to happen, because him coming home drunk to you was not what you wanted and you hoped he really did just have a stressful day at work and wanted to let off some steam but strangely, it felt more personal than that._

A small noise came through the room, causing your eyes to open and glance over at the door for a few minutes, listening for any rustling only to be met with silence once more.

Slowly getting out of bed you peak out your door to see Kihyun, hands to his head, coat and shoes still on. His body disfigured and slumping at his place on the couch, his breathing heavy. 

Biting your lip you quietly closed the door before making your way to the bathroom, locking the door behind you as a way to keep you from bolting to him and forgiving him. 

As you slipped out of your clothes and into the shower you closed your eyes and remembered what had gotten both of you to your upset state once more. 

When you had returned from the grocery store he was on the couch still, his arm hung over his face, unmoved when you entered the living area and made your way to the kitchen. 

_Putting down the bags of things you walked back over to the door, remove your jacket when you saw him look over at you, his eyebrows were scrunched as he watched you before softly speaking. “You're angry with me, why?”_

_“Don’t worry about it Kihyun,” you shake your head. You hate conflict and you would rather avoid it as it only leads to fighting at that is the last thing you wanted at the moment._

_“Why do you always try to avoid my questions, I know your upset at me for something I'm not stupid,” He huffs as he sits up on the sofa watching you make your way back to the kitchen and out of view._

_When you don't reply you hear him get up, anger in each step as he walks into the kitchen blocking you from the only exit in the room. “Tell me, why are you acting like this? Is your depression spiking again?”_

_Biting your lip you turned towards the sink and began to clean some of the dirty dishes that you needed for dinner. “Yes, but that's normal, don’t worry about it.”_

_Suddenly you felt claustrophobic as he came and wrapped his arms around you, fear and anxiety bubbling to the surface and causing you to drop the dish in your hand back into the soapy water below you. “Kihyun please let me go”_

_“So it's something I did, what is it because I was drinking?” He asked as his grip on you only tightened as if holding you hostage until you told him._

_The smell of the alcohol still faint on his clothes burned your nose as it mixed with the musky scent of his cologne._

_When he felt you stiffen beneath he signed “I promise it's not a deal-”_

_“But it is Kihyun, Nayoung said she sees you often in the bar by her work, she passes it on her way home and you- she says you are always in there drinking.” you blurt out as you try to squirm from his touch, wanting to get away._

_Kihyun whirled you around, pulling your face in between his palms as his face closed in on yours “How long have you known?”_

_“Weeks,” you whisper as you try to move your face out of his grip only for you to tighten._

_A dark look crosses his face as he chuckles coldly, “And you wonder why I do it, it's because you act like this.”_

_“Ki-” you begin to say as his hands drop, but he wasn't finished._

_“Do you know how tired I am when I get off work, only to come home every day and have to deal with your emotional baggage it drains me and I'm tired of dealing with it, so I took up some of my coworkers offers, originally I was just going to do it once but when I came home and found you in tears talking about how you wanted out of this world, I found myself going back the next day, drinking more. You made me like this, so it's not anyone else's fault but your own.”_

The sharp cold water shock you from your thought as you realized you had been under the water for so long, your skin pruning from the exposure to water for too long. 

Quietly you got out and wrapped a fluffy towel around your body, going to the vanity to look at yourself in the mirror you slumped over the counter top and looked at your figure, the bags under your eyes, the empty look in your eyes. You looked awful. 

Taking a deep breath you closed your eyes and looked down at the sink, turning on the water and letting the cold water run over your hands before splashing your face. 

The cold water felt like his cold words being directed at you, a direct opposite of the warm tears that streamed down your face after hearing his words. 

_“Is that really how you feel? That I'm the burden to your life?” you whisper flatly, your anxiety causing your body to tremble._

_Kihyun’s eyes opened wide at the realization of what he had just said, what he had been doing. “I-uh.”_

_“So it's true, well i am sorry you feel that way,” you gulped as you want to pass him and make your way out of the kitchen only to have him grab your wrist and pull you into a hug, but you didn’t want his apology you were hurt, numb by his words._

_Struggling to get out of his grip he tightened it “Baby please,” he mumbled as he tried to keep you from struggling._

_“Let me go,” you panic as you struggle to get out of his grip, your body trembling as you tried to free yourself._

_“Stop will you just listen to me for two seconds!” he yelled as he slammed you back into the fridge forcefully causing all your actions to hault as you looked up at him with pure fear on your face._

_Eyes opening wide he dropped his hands and back away, looking down at his hands and then back up at you before he ran, he took off the door slamming behind him._

_Your body sliding down the fridge as you began to cry._

The water fell down your face as you grabbed a towel, dabbing your face dry, hanging the towel back up.

As you dried the rest of your body you heard movement from the other side of the door. 

Biting your lip you hung up your towel and redressed before peaking out to see Kihyuns body limp against the bed, his shoes and coat nod discarded. 

Quietly you began to sneak by, hoping he was asleep as you made your way to the living room only to hear him shift and look up at you. “Wait, please.” He whispered, desperation in his voice.  
Stopping you looked back over at him as he sat up and took a deep breath.

“I am an ass, I didn’t keep my promise to be here for you all the time, I failed you.”

Biting your lip you let his words sink in, “Its okay, I know I can be overbearing sometimes,” you mumble as you look down at your feet.

“Don’t say that. You are not overbearing, you are struggling yes, and I should I have been more sensitive and just told you I have been a bit overwhelmed with work. I wasn't honest with you.” he paused as he stood up, slowly making his way over you and lifted his hand to your face, watching you flinch slightly as he went to touch you. “And I am sorry I scared you so much that you are scared for me to touch you,” he whispers as he lowers his hand, looking away. 

“We both messed up, I am sorry for not thinking about how you were feeling, I was so caught up in how I was feeling, I neglected how you were I expected too much of you and I made you snap. I know you wouldn't hurt me on purpose, I love you Kihyun and I trust you.”

His eyes glanced up to meet yours, a small smile pulling at his lips. “Good I hope you know I would never hurt you.”

“I know.”


End file.
